viernes, 17 de marzo de 2017
This is a message from the Cuban People
Hace unas semanas, cuando se pusieron de moda las parodias de “America First, X Country, second” un buen amigo y gran humorista me envió la suya. Su intención era que yo intentara encontrarle productor en alguna televisión de Miami pero guardando su más estricto anonimato. Ya fuera por trumpismo o falta de sentido del humor (o son uno los dos, diría el Apóstol) la propuesta no encontró quien produjera su versión televisiva. De ahí que decida publicar ahora su texto antes que ya nadie recuerde el sentido original de esta parodia. Espero que lo disfruten.
This is a message from the Cuban People.
Dear Mr. President:
You Americans are the best, but we, Cubans, are the best too. You know us. For decades, we have been coming to your country in troves and making you pay for it, so if you need any pointers, let us know. We are the best navigators in the world, anyone can go around the world in one of those billionaire´s yachts , but try to brave the treacherous currents of the Florida Strait in something like this… or this…. And let’s face it: when something´s wrong in the neighborhood, who would you call? Us Cubans! No matter how daunting the task, how unsurmountable the odds… Coca Cola in trouble? Go Cuban! The Cubs have to overcome the Billy Goat curse? Go Cuban! Madonna needs impregnating? Go Cuban! This is Havana, best city in the world… is you are looking for a set for a Terminator sequel that is… with the best cars in the world, American cars, good cars, huuuge cars, not the Japanese or the German junk, total losers… Cars built to last forever, like our Castros … who have the best bodyguards in the world, huuuge bodyguards, bad hombres and if you keep insulting anything with a pulse you are going to need them… and last, but not least, we have the best hookers in the world, no matter what Putin says, ours are the best looking, hottest and best educated prostitutes in the world. They are so good that there is a porn specialty known as “The Cuban” consisting on ... well, better not to get too technical here, and since you seem to be a special needs kind of boy, take a minute, Mr. President, to consider the possibilities: hookers with a medical degree and a scientific knowledge on body fluids … do you get it? What a golden opportunity, what a splash! Finally, Mr. President for you, just for you, we are willing to row the extra nautical mile and go where no Cuban has gone before meaning… this is so hard… that we are willing to accept that somewhere, somehow, somebody, in this case you, is better than us at something… so, Mr. President, we totally agree that America is first, but, could you let us… pretty please… be second…. Well, maybe not.